Women ARE Making it Happen!

I was blessed with the opportunity this week to speak to an amazing group of women in Minneapolis, Women in Networking. Teresa Thomas-Carroll, who leads the group, is truly committed to connecting professional women in a meaningful way. At the beginning of the meeting she drew special attention to a few women who had recently been laid off and asked them to share what types of positions they were seeking so that if any of us had contacts for them, we could pass them on. Once again, women make it happen.

I also recently had a discussion with a friend of mine, Kathleen Watson, about how well women support each other and she had something interesting to say. Kathleen pointed out that if only we were our own best fans as well, we could find even more opportunity to share with our network. I asked Kathleen if she would write a little something to share her thoughts on the topic with us. I hope you enjoy this article from Kathleen, and believe me, if you're looking for help on how you can improve your networking, Kathleen literally wrote the book!

Till next time,

Taiha Wagner

Build Her Dream

Are You Denying Your Talents? by Kathleen Watson

As the reigning Queen of Double Standards, I’m very attuned to situations where an individual applies different—and often more stringent—standards to herself than she does to anyone else. This is pretty common behavior on the part of many of my talented female friends, and it makes me wonder: Why do we so often delight in honoring our friends’ achievements, yet downplay our own?

There are probably as many reasons for this unproductive behavior as there are women exhibiting it:

• We were told while growing up, “Don’t brag.”
• The religion we were raised in preaches humility.
• We tend to think that anything that comes easily to us comes easily to everyone, and is therefore nothing special.
• We somehow feel unworthy, and thus don’t claim what are actually very admirable strengths.
• And on and on and on...

How many times have we received compliments on our work or our appearance from friends, only to deflect them with a, “Yes, but...”? (A personal favorite: being complimented on a beautiful outfit and replying, “Oh, my gosh, this thing is so old.”) What makes it so hard for us to just look someone in the eye and say “Thank you” when we receive a kudo? How can this possibly be in our best interests?

Whatever the cause, the results of not accepting our talents, much less showcasing them, are uniformly negative:

• We risk having friends and colleagues cease to compliment us, because they know we’ll simply refuse to accept the gracious accolade.
• We risk wounding our would-be complimenters because we are, in effect, refusing a gift they want to give us.
• The more we deny our strengths and talents, the stronger the message we give our subconscious that we really don’t have anything to offer the world. (Ever hear of a self-fulfilling prophecy? Yikes!)
• We lose the esteem and the business of others if they believe our self-denigrating assessments.

While losing others’ esteem hurts the heart, losing their business hits us in the heart and in the checkbook. As business professionals, we simply can’t afford to be self-effacing about the skills we can apply on our clients’ behalf. Please don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying we should act as if we’re God’s gift to humankind. I am suggesting we put effort into finding that lovely dynamic equilibrium between thinking too highly of ourselves and not thinking highly enough.

If you need——and deserve!—a shot in the arm when it comes to being able to not only accept compliments but actually toot your own horn, here’s a smorgasbord of suggestions that can help you.

• Practice saying “Thank you!” with no evasions or qualifications.
• Be aware of qualifying words in general. If you hear yourself saying something like, “I did a pretty good job,” stop and pose a yes/no question to yourself. Ask, “Did I do a good job? Yes or no?” Be rigorously honest with yourself. If the answer truly is “no,” determine what was inadequate about the work and figure out how to do better in the future. If the answer is “yes,” however, identify what you did well and why, then celebrate!
• Look around your office and/or your home and identify work you’re proud of. What skills and abilities did you use in creating this work?
• Have you received any awards from professional associations, clients, volunteer groups, and so forth? If so, get a copy of the introductory speech used at the awards ceremony and pay attention to what it says. If committee members considered you worthy of an award, they can’t all be wrong about your achievements.
• Get together with a trustworthy friend. Over coffee, each of you share with the other some of her attributes and accomplishments you most admire. Be honest and thorough in explaining why you find these achievements praiseworthy. Note: In this conversation, the phrase “Yes, but...” is strictly a no-no.
• Listen to what clients say they most appreciate about your work. Better yet, ask them. This way, you get to practice being brave while you learn how to promote your business in language that will resonate with prospective clients.
• Incorporate these client kudos into a compelling “one-minute commercial” you can use in business venues. The first step in any effective commercial is to engage your listeners’ attention; what better way to do so than to share a dazzling success story?
• Remember the powerful words of Marianne Williamson: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. When we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others

Kathleen Watson is the principal of Client Connections and author of Net Profit: Business Networking Without the Nerves. Her mission is to turn business professionals into networking superstars by helping them implement a system that makes their networking a strategic and effective part of their marketing mix. To learn more about her Take It EEEasyTM program or other consulting services, contact her at 952-361-0638 or kath@yourclientconnection.com.